Well, after a VERY LONG SLEEPLESS NIGHT, I have decided to do some research into routinizing the schedules in my house, particularly with our latest addition, Seth. Despite the fact that he is a mere 2 1/2 weeks old, I am feeling pretty convinced that my old ways of parenting, while admirable, are no longer the path to travel, at least not precisely. Basically, from the time Lily was a newborn, Tom and I have been committed to "attachment-style parenting." We've always practiced co-sleeping, child-lead weaning, babywearing, gentle discipline. However, after some real deep thought and honesty on my part, I have to say that these principles have not always been a practical way to meet the needs of my children and, now, as a mother of FOUR, I cannot fathom how to continue on this journey in the same way I travelled when I had just ONE. The truth of the matter is, despite how romantic the notions of "attachment parenting" may seem, if they make you feel crazy, and leave one or more of your children in chaos, abandoning the dogma and finding your own mix of
"right" is a far better route to take. I think of all the hours I spent laying with my second and third children, because they wouldn't nap any other way, and I cringe- all the stress I caused myself, the pressure I felt to stick to the philosophy, though it didn't work for our family- the depression it sank me into- the guilt I felt. Now, with Seth, I just want to find some consistency that will make sense, enabling me to both meet his need for nursing and sleeping, while allowing me to aptly parent my other three children, with their own unique needs, and, just as important, meet my needs too. I have learned the hard way that you cannot expect to be a vibrant, enthusiastic mother, which is how I would want to be characterized, when you are not getting sleep (and exercise and hygiene, etc.). It is my belief that a happy mother is far more crucial than one who breastfeeds and sleeps next to her children, without exception. My guess is that there are a lot of us out there who have been driven nearly over the edge by inflexible parenting philosophies, and haven't enjoyed many many days of our blessed existence as mothers of our remarkable children. So here's to a new chapter in my life- one devoted to making this mommy-thing just a little simpler for me- and my days just a little bit brighter as a result. We'll see how it goes!

I'm getting by on the wings of angels right now and I owe my undying gratitude to: my hubby and kids, my parents, Donna Dinardo, The Tetlows, The Walls, Valerie Baer, Karin Turkovich, Beth and her kids, Bonnie Dougherty, Casey Henry and Family, Lila and family, Eun from CBS, Amy Shelton, our realtor Arlene, Becky and Jen from Juniors, Carrie Erdely, and Sharon Lehr.

Never in my life have I experienced such nurturing from so many people, all of whom I love so dearly on so many different levels. Tom and I, as well as our kids, are truly blessed and feel remarkably cared for during this very wonderful but challenging time in our lives.

It is late June (I don't even know the day). My newborn son, Seth, is almost 3 weeks old now. I am exhausted and in a constant state of either coping or extreme fear. These days are harder than I remembered when I "signed-up" for them last fall. I know, in my right mind, that this too shall pass, but in my crazy, sleep-deprived mind, they seem never-ending and impossible to live through.

Donna Dinardo, our neighbor to the right, sent over a huge chicken pot-pie that she had purchased today at Costco. As I lay in bed, trying to rest my weary, ever-so-pregnant body, I found myself reeling with amazement at how giving people are in our community- what spectacular friends we have made since moving here. Our lives have been made so rich by the caring of such wonderful people, like Donna, who's taken Liam to school almost everyday for two weeks, and Bonnie, who has made us three terrific dinners in the last seven days. Stacey, my "big sister" here in Mt. Lebanon, has put herself "on-call" for any needs we may have from this point going forward, and Karen Turkovich (K.T., as Tom so affectionately calls her) has also made herself available for babysitting all the kids during and after the birth. There is a huge piece of me that wonders how I could possibly deserve such nurturing from these women in my life. I'm almost in a hurry to birth this baby so that I can repay them in spades.

I don't ever want to know what my life would be like, again, without the relationships I have been blessed with here in Pittsburgh. Where God closed a door, he opened a window that looks out onto the most beautiful landscape I have ever seen.