This is a picture of Ben after we dropped his brother and sister off for their first day of school yesterday.

One of the toughest things to behold is your child experiencing pain of any sort, especially emotional turmoil. On the playground after school today (and yesterday), Liam was focusing all of his attention on his two friends from kindergarten, Griffin and Ben Walls, and ignoring his brother. This is excruciating to watch because I know how much Ben must miss Liam now that he doesn't have him to play with during the day- and how much he looks forward to picking him up from school. I remember Lily treating Liam this way and how Liam was so tortured by the exclusion. I guess it is a natural progression of childhood- to move on and want to be with your friends, often more than your family, but God is it difficult for me as a parent.

I haven't posted any pictures of Seth in a while. He is a funny kid. We all love him immensely.

I loved watching Lily and Liam stirring with excitement over going back to school this morning- looking very much in the height of fashion, I might add! I missed them today, though, and I think Benjamin did too. I took Ben to ride his scooter on the bike lot at South Park and I longed to share the fun with Lily and Liam and wished they didn't have to go to school. It is a hard place- the decision over what is better- living life to the fullest and learning naturally or sitting in a classroom and being told what is important to learn. There are pros and cons to both and I feel blessed that I've had the opportunity to be in both places and know exactly what they are like. Right now, for us, artificial learning affords a type of socialization that is not only important for the kids but crucial for me in building local relationships. For that, I am grateful.

Ben said the funniest thing last night as we were leaving Trevor's pool party (AT 9:30!) He said "mommy, I wish we were late partiers." Lily and I both had a good laugh at that one.

These have been some tough days for me. Tom is away for three days/nights on business, the temperature is sweltering and humid- and WE HAVE NO A/C, and I'm tired. Between the lack of consistent sleep (Seth is still waking up in the night a couple of times- last night 3 times, to be exact) and the rainforest climate of my abode, I am at the end of my proverbial rope. Thank God for Granny, who flew in yesterday to give me a hand. She "watched" Seth for me today, while I slaved away at the display case at the elementary school (who in the world talks a woman with a newborn into doing such torturous things- my neighbor Donna!), and while I took the kids to Trevor Turkovich's 5th birthday party tonight (Seth is in a nighttime sleep routine, beginning at 6pm, that I WILL NOT DEVIATE FROM FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD). Anyway, I am feeling blessed for the gift of family (my mom) and friends (Val and Amanda, who I had fun chatting with tonight at the party). Coping is difficult when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it sure helps when you have some really good people on your side, even for a moment or two, to make you feel human again.

Patrick holding
Seth- June 11th, 2007 about 9 hours after his birth.
seth just moments after his birth, a mind-blowing event for us all.


I saw Patrick, our midwife for Seth's birth, this afternoon. I'd been looking forward to being in his presence again, hoping to soak up a bit more kharma from his healing spirit. Funny, I think that all along I've had this belief going that the journey I was on, for 40 hours, bringing my baby boy into this world, was as significant to him as it was for me. In fact, I'm not sure that I'd even call it a belief as much as a total assumption. Never once, did it ever cross my mind that I was just one of many on file for him, and that all of the events which I considered magical and amazing during the course of Seth's induction were all just a day's (or a coupla days) work for him. But alas....the enchantment of the universe coming to a halt on June 11th, as I pushed my fourth child into this world, is done, and I am none the worse for it. I still consider Patrick right up there close to Jesus, on the spiritual plane of my life, and I'll always treasure those moments I spent in his caring hands.