is read a fucking story to my 1st grader's class- and "they" won't let me and so i'm going to start getting radical about this public school nonsense. If you can't be involved in your child's education, when he is 6 years old....I don't know. I'm just so angry right now...I pay an enormous amount of taxes to live in this town, most of which go to benefit Washington Elementary School. You think that when you get out of the ghetto and into the districts where everyone is white and the buildings are pretty that your child's experience will be top-notch...well, it is a myth and each day that passes I am becoming more and more disgruntled with how my children are spending their seven hours a day.

that is my rant, this rainy friday morning, and i'm sticking to it- no apologies. (even if I did drop the "f-bomb.")

I love books. If I was stranded on an island, or some other remote place, and all I had, other than the people I love, were books, along with food/water to nourish me, I would be content ( of course, I'm not stranded anywhere, and I have much more than books and the people I love, and I struggle daily with discontent- but I guess that is for another day). One of my fabulous finds at the library sale, going on here in our town, was The Remarkable Benjamin Franklin by Cheryl Harness. I picked it up for the kids, as they love to learn about him (inspired greatly by the movie National Treasure). Well, as I began reading it to Benjamin, I was really enamored by the quotes from him that the author listed on each page. My favorite is this one: "If you would not be forgotten, As soon as you are dead and rotten, Either write things worthy reading, Or do things worth the writing." Some others are: "Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sun-dial in the shade!", "The noblest question in the World is What Good may I do in it?", "Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad Habits.", "God helps them that help themselves.", "Human felicity is produced not so much by great peices of good fortune that seldom happen, as by little advantages that occur every day."
Benjamin Franklin was an incredible human being, perhaps greater than all others, and I am thankful to my children for giving me the greatest excuse in the world to learn about people such as him. I am always learning and that, alone, makes life worth every minute.

Granny with Lily, Tom and Seth, at our favorite ice cream spot- Brusters
Grandpa "Paul" sharing his popsicles with Ben and his buddies Trevor and Mikey





My parents left yesterday after an extended visit to our abode. Growing up, there were many occasions when I wanted to disown them- as we clashed on many levels- mostly pertaining to my independant spirit (and my love of boys- ahem). Now, however, I love watching them, as grandparents, nurture and love my children. My Dad, very proudly, walked Lily and Liam to school in the mornings, my Mom would whip our laundry (when the washer was working) into shape everyday, and both of them would play "jackpot"- a card game my father invented, where the kids win coupons for treats and a little money. Lily, Liam, Benjamin, and Seth are very lucky to be so loved and I'm so happy for them. We would all be better people if we had grandparents like my parents.

Tom spent a good part of this afternoon trying to repair our lemon of a washing machine. At one point, it became a family affair, when he had Liam on the floor with his head half-way in the bottom of the machine, attempting to pull the control panel out (his arm was the smallest of the capable humans in our home). As I leaned in to help him, I found myself smiling that my almost seven year old was working with us to fix a household appliance. And boy, was he proud. Well, it didn't work so we will be moving to plan B soon.........either dragging trash bags of our laundry to Donna's house next door, Marie's house down the street, or to the Allegheny River and scrubbing the clothes on a rock. Its a little cold here for that though.

I am reading a very interesting book right now- "Your Money or Your Life" by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez. In chapter two, there is a very enlightening definition of money as "something we choose to trade our life energy for." The authors then go on to state that if you are 40 years old, you can expect to have approximately "329,601 hours of life energy left before you die. Assuming about half of your time is spent on necessary body maintenance-sleeping, eating, eliminating, washing and exercising- you have 164,800 hours of life energy remaining for such discretionary uses as: your relationship to yourself, your relationship to others, your creative expression, your contribution to your community, your contribution to the world, achieving inner peace and holding down a job." Well, I don't know about you, but the "holding down a job" part occupies so much of our time, it doesn't seem like there are many hours left to do the other six activities. Of course, as a full-time mom, I am no longer a part of the wage-earning work force (yeah- no kidding, right?) but Tom, my husband is, and I know that he feels both the joys and pains of his job on a daily basis, and is beginning to believe the the cons are getting much heavier to bear than the pros. We are starting to think about this. Thinking.....................

Despite the bug lurking in my innards, I had some good moments at the end of the day (well, it ain't over 'til its over; is it ever over?):

1) seeing Ben's joy at Granny getting the "Old Maid" card from his hand
2) playing yahtzee with mom and dad while holding Seth (who miraculously sat through the whole game without complaint)
3) watching Liam very gently kiss Seth goodnight
4) Lily's glee at being able to go "uptown" for lunch today with her friend Emme, where she had pizza, rootbeer, and then about $2.50 worth of candy (she's still savoring those treats, along with her brothers)
5) listening to Ben and Mikey plan their trip to China, and then go and come back ("we going to camp out Mama, cuz its a long way, you know.")

Ahh, where is my husband. I'm now ready to crash.


***oh, by the way, in case you are interested, the vegan thing went out the door today- I am such a dork***

Beth, my lifesaving friend, holding Seth
Best Buds Ben and Mikey




I am struggling to keep it together this morning. I'm exhausted. Seth was up four times during the night- from his cold or teething or some developmental phase. Benjamin began kicking and screaming at the crack of dawn to come lay with me. He's an early bird, and very high energy from the point of waking. I've got some virus I'm fighting, which has my head and back aching and my stomach in a whirl. I don't do well on days like today- I start to wonder if there is something wrong with me. I can't enjoy my kids- they just feel like weights on my shoulders that I can no longer carry. I just want to crawl under a rock and sleep for a while.

Beth, Mikey's mom and a friend of mine, and I have been pooling our resources to care for our boys when they are not in preschool. Ben and Mikey love playing together and it gives Beth and I a chance to breathe. This morning, she and I decided to split the day- so she came and picked up Ben and will bring the boys to me for the afternoon. It is such a life saver for us all. Ben is very extroverted and climbs the walls with Liam in school full days now. I spend a great deal of time playing board games, sports, and reading to him, but he really craves time with his friends. I am grateful for Beth today, and my Mom, who is currently pushing Seth's swing by hand as it ceased to function yesterday.

Its minute by minute today kids. Minute by minute.

Do you ever think about times in your life where you've behaved shamefully and wish you hadn't? Do you ever think about writing letters to the people you have hurt in your life? I do. I actually think of this quite often. I did some really crappy things in the past, that I'm not proud of, and, though I know I can't undo the pain my actions caused, I have this urging from within to speak the words "I'm sorry." When I was in highschool, there was a rather overweight girl who had somehow become a pariah to the friends I used to walk with in the afternoons. I think they'd had some disagreements in middle school, or something of the sort. Anyway, anytime they would see this girl coming their way, they would all start to "moooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" in unison, and, though I didn't know her myself, I would participate in this horrific abuse. (and if you ever doubted that what comes around, goes around, you need not look any farther than the author of this blog, who is currently, as we are all aware, struggling with extra belly baggage). I saw this girl a few months ago, in passing, and I so wanted to approach her and voice my sorrow at what I'd done. I know that she must have been so hurt back then and perhaps still carries some of that burden today, who knows. But I didn't have the nerve. This I know, for all the people who made fun of me or bullied me in school, there isn't a one I don't remember. And if they called me today to apologize, I would certainly feel lighter within my soul.

Liam happily eating his soft pretzel, wearing pajamas to school, along with Lily, for "pajama day."




Liam, my second child, has ALWAYS been a picky eater. It began, I assume, with his vast food allergies as an infant (dairy, soy, peanuts, and tree nuts). Now, as an almost seven year old, he will only eat a small variety of things, like PBJs, boiled chicken (cannot have any brown spots on it from baking- lol), chicken nuggets (which is like a whole food group in our family- funny to mention that after a "vegan" post), honey nut cheerios w/o milk, chocolate soy milk, juice, carrots, salsa, and many fruits. Breakfast is always an issue for him because, aside from the cheerios and waffles (w/ peanut butter and syrup), there isn't much he'll eat that I fix for the others. In the past, this has sometimes caused major frustrations, for both of us, but, in keeping with my renewed efforts at saying "yes" more often, I decided to fix him something that I knew he would eat this morning- a soft baked pretzel (he's asked before and both his father and I have said "NO!!!!!!!!!!- you are not eating a pretzel for breakfast- you need something healthy!!!". While not a traditional "breakfast food," I decided that it was perfectly fine as it is really just bread in a weird shape, right? Then I started thinking about other things the kids might think were cool for breakfast and how they have some redeeming qualities- ice cream has calcium and protein (Breyers being the chemical-free brand), chips and salsa- well, salsa is a vegetable. So, here's to breaking out of the breakfast box and throwing off your kids with something out of the ordinary and a big "yes" to boot!!! :)

I am experimenting with vegan ism this week. I've committed myself, for the next seven days, to eating food from plant sources only(don't get nervous- Bonnie- I won't be making you Brussels sprout souffle for dinner Thursday!). Why? Well, it all started about a year and a half ago....I accompanied Liam on his preschool class trip to an organic farm- about 40 miles South of here. I love farms, as well as farm animals, and have coveted rural property for as long as I can remember. I was very excited to be going on this field trip...then I got there...and I saw, with shock and horror the manner in which the cows (even "organic" cows) are raised. There is no utopia here, guys. The dairy cows are kept in stalls 24 hours a day, standing, where they must eat, pee and poop in the same spot. They are only permitted to graze when they are pregnant, and the moment they give birth, they are separated from their babies and placed back in the milking barn. The babies are put in smaller stalls, where they are fed by bottle (and they bleat, continuously, for their mothers, I assume). Well, I left there very disgusted and vowed to change my eating habits once and for all. Then I went out to dinner and couldn't resist the steak, which I regrettably enjoy, and my ill-feelings went by the wayside. Then, four weeks ago, I bought the book Skinny Bitch (thinking, of course, that it would contain some miracle recipe for my rather unfortunate girth), only to discover that the secret contained on the pages within, for getting skinny, was to avoid animal products altogether. I bypassed the chapter on the suffering of factory farm animals, as I knew I would never sleep again and would, perhaps, proceed to slit my wrists, but I began to ponder the question of animal rights and the ethics related to eating them. At the same time, I read a report, which was featured on the CBS Evening News, that the findings of a major study had just been released, which disclosed that people with diabetes, who'd been placed on a vegan eating plan (as opposed to the high protein, low carb diet recommended by the American Diabetic Association), experienced major successes in coping with the disease, and were, for the majority of the participants in the vegan group, able to quit their diabetes medication (this being relevant for me due to my diagnosis of gestational diabetes during this most recent pregnancy, and therefore, my predisposition to a future type II diabetes status. Still, I couldn't decide to quit meat- (though I have quit dairy 3 times in the last decade due to my babies' allergies to milk protein and once because someone advised me that my emotional state would benefit from removing most animals products from my diet). Last week, on a trip to the thrift store, which you know all about, I happened upon a home decorating book (with feng shui advice), and couldn't, of course, pass it up. Inside, somewhere between the living room design and the bedroom planning ideas, was a chapter on decluttering your body and eating vegan. Well, I somehow figured that the universe was trying to send me a message (I mean, really, I just wanted to see how to make my boudoir more delightful) and I needed, finally to listen. So I did and here I am. Two days into vegan ism. How's the trip? Eh, so-so. My parents bought a bucket of KFC (and the yummy fake potatoes and gravy)for dinner last night- that smelled delicious (okay, people, I know I need not be eating that mess anyhow- but it is quite divine!). I made pizza for the kids for lunch today (Ben and his two friends that come here once a week)- that melted mozzarella looked sooooooooooooo good- it was kind of hard to resist. Aside from that, I'm fine. I'm certainly healthier, even for only two days of "detox." I took a photograph of today's lunch to show you (because I am a nerd- if you didn't already know that): black bean soup (with Tofutti non-dairy sour cream), fresh baby carrots (with Goddess dressing for dip), 4 falafel sticks, strawberries and a small slice of vegan carrot cake (from Whole Foods).
I'll keep you posted on my progress in this direction. I don't know. Its so much easier not to care about this stuff but what the hell does that say about me?

Want to know more? Here's a link to Vegan Outreach, which has pretty decent info, and easily avoided cruelty descriptions, for those of you like me.

My Thrift Store Treasures



I have an addiction to children's books. I love them. I don't know why, exactly, maybe its the pictures- how did we adults become so boring that we publish works of fiction and non-fiction without pictures? Like you just wake up one day, and you are ______ (fill in the blank) years old and you no longer need something pretty to go along with that boring old black print on white paper? Well, anyway, I scored some mighty fine books at the thrift store and I thought I'd boast on them tonight, before I head into a deep slumber. I'm working on my home library and when its done I'll share it with you. I used to feel really guilty about my book habits but then a light bulb moment (yes, that is an Oprah reference- sorry) happened and I gave myself permission to be quirky in this regard. Some people, like Imelda Marcos, for example, have shoe gluttony (had shoe gluttony- I think she's dead). For me, its Dr. Seuss, Tomie DePaola, Patricia Polacco, Jerry Pinkney, Barbara Cooney, and about a thousand others. And I've got this crazy dream (anyone want to call Oprah's Angel Network for me?) that I buy some old jalopy school bus and turn it into a free book mobile (I hate the library- I always owe them a ton of money because i can't ever return my books on time) and I'll drive into the poorest communities in our nation and I'll give away tons of books to every kid who wants one and they won't ever have to give them back. And the books will be about people who look like them and that they will want to absorb and never put down. But, for now, I'm just a dreamer with a habit.

Here are some pictures of the fun "mommy moments" I've had in the last day or so. First of all, one way I have been bonding with Benjamin in the morning, after I put Seth down, is allowing him to help me clean (that sounds so pathetic and anal retentive- he loves to clean and I usually do it by myself because I am a control freak and in a hurry). I bought some great mops that are easy for him to use. He really digs washing floors (the pics are from our front porch) and he does a good job.

I've also been loving Seth, now that he is out of blob mode and more interactive. He smiles a lot and we're convinced he's some sort of genius because he's been talking non-stop (not that he's using English words- but he sure does feel strongly about whatever it is he's saying).

Lily is a super big-sister and loves playing peek-a-boo with Seth.

I have a great life. I just need some rest. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANNY!!!








Its almost 9pm and I'm exhausted. It has been a long day- filled with fun things as well as arduous tasks. I've been thinking a lot tonight about obligations and how I need less of them at this point in my life. I've got a husband who's travelling for the next two days. I've got two kids getting school pictures taken tomorrow, one of whom has been temporarily displaced from her room by my visiting parents [so her clothes are not organized in a dresser and we can't find a good "photographing" outfit]. I had to run out at 8:15, to the pharmacy, to pick-up a prescription I had to take tonight. I had to make lunches, write checks for pictures and pizza, sign Lily's agenda, feel guilty that Liam didn't do his reading homework, and, last but not least, wipe the puddle of ice cream off of my shoe that some offspring of mine spilled and decided to leave there for me to clean up [no I'm not bitter- just tired]. And the icing on the cake of all of this [pardon the pun] is that today is MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY- and she's here and this evening, for her "party", I had to try very hard to bury my cranky-cuss word side and show my appreciation for the fact that she was born 66 years ago today and that I love her. We should have had the party over breakfast- I would have been a lot better behaved. Ugh. (sorry Mom). So..................in a nutshell...........I feel like what I've been doing lately, purging all of the extracurricular agenda items from my days, is so important and the simpler I can make things for myself, the more joy I will find as a mother. But, at the same time, I feel real trepedation with doing this- "what if I lose all my friends, and by not being involved, my days will go back to the way they were when we first moved here and I didn't know anyone and I wanted to leap off a bridge?" My ADD side (here I go again), or my ultra-creative side, or my extroverted side, is always inclined to DO MORE. And for nearly a decade, since my first child was born, I have continued to live my life in this manner- forcing a ton of "running around" into my schedule so that I would not be isolated from the movement of the world. Being a full-time mom is hard in that regard- it is isolating by nature- since our culture is not imbedded with communal living or even "village-style" living. Sigh. Where is the balance-my children are so precious to me- they make up an enormous chunk of my spirit- and the last thing I want is for life to speed by, with all the "stuff" dangling over me, and wake up with no more time left to absorb the wonder of their beings.

My third child, Benjamin, is what author Mary Sheedy Kurcinka describes as a "spirited child." If we say walk- he runs. If we say inside voice- he screams. For many kids, the average day would revolve around watching cartoons, playing outside, doing some art project, etc. Ben has no average days- and the most consistent thing he does is be inconsistent. Ben wakes up in the morning at the crack of dawn and immediately gets himself dressed, at least part way, packs his bags, and announces that he's walking to the airport so he can go to China (this a departure from his old plans to actually walk to China, which I had to explain, through the use of a globe, how there are oceans between our continents and therefore, walking is impossible). Or sometimes he wakes up, feeling bitter, and demands that he go to Toys R Us to get a skateboard or to the shoe store to get new shoes (despite having gotten new shoes the previous day). Well, this, my friends, can be very exhausting and often ends with me feeling worn down by 9 am. So, I've committed myself to trying a new tactic with him- I want to allow him to hear the words "yes" more often- and I've started putting great effort into finding ways to allow him the freedom to explore his desires, while keeping him safe and me sane. This morning he approached me with the candle snuffer and proclaimed that he wanted to put out some flames. Being 8:30am, completely daylight, we had no candles burning- and my first instinct was to say "no, Ben, not right now- maybe later." I say that a lot. And sometimes, later never gets here- or it doesn't happen for days, weeks, or months. And there is a certain amount of disrespect for children, I believe, when we put off their creative impulses just because they seem a little ridiculous or inconvenient (though, I also believe, that we are a team- parents and kids- and things have to work in harmony for all of us, not one sided either way). So, we lit about fifteen candles, around the house, and Ben very enthusiastically snuffed them out. That was that. He felt empowered and I felt good to be in that moment with him.

My good pal, Stacey, who constantly looks out for my best interests (I have many of them), sent me the link to this awesome webpage about a family of 6 who traveled around the world in a year....I am not going to say anything more, lest the reality of my deluded brain becomes more apparent to the few who know about this blog of mine.
http://www.sixintheworld.com/an-overivew-of-the-trip/