The three big kids started their camps today. Liam and Benjamin are attending morning "playground camp" and Lily is at the Young Writers Institute, in the mornings, for two weeks.

This morning, Ben and I were snuggling in bed and he was interrogating me, with all his nervous energy, about what his camp would be like (this is the first year that he was eligible, due to age, to attend with his big brother). He then asked "Mommy- where Lily goin' to be?" So I told him about him about the Writer's Institute, to which he replied "What they do there, Mommy?" "Well, Ben, they write- these kids like to write." "What else they do there?" "Nothing, Ben." "Mommy- that bo-rin'. That a dumb camp...".

So there you have it folks, out of the mouth of Ben...

"Say" by John Mayer

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say [x24]

This isn't the first time I have posted these lyrics....Forgive me for being redundent, but they've been on my mind, and in my ears a lot lately. Natasha gave me a CD she'd created, last May, after I arrived home from the hospital. She was the first person to see me- and I can remember just holding her- maybe for like an eternity...Life was so frightening after being cooped up in that prison for nine days, and her presence made me feel so safe- like maybe the whole thing had just been a nightmare- a figment of my cruel imagination. And later, after she'd gone home to her girls, I popped the CD (titled "Judy's Way Back") into the car and this was song #4. I played it over and over and over again and I still do- because somehow, I feel it epitomizes what I want, for my life and for this blog of mine. I pour my dailyness, my truths, out onto this space and I leave it here for you to do with what you wish...and for me to see how far I've come or who I was or why. And this "truth" is not always the best view of me- it doesn't represent a life lived simply or without suffering. It doesn't define "normal" or "abnormal"- it just IS. And,yes, there have been concerns, over the course of the last year, about some who may lurk here who don't have the best intentions for me (and those close to me)...but then, and now, I make the choice to "say what I need to say" because even if it gives me just one night free of my racing thoughts, it was worth it, or if it gives my children, in the future, some insight into their mother's thoughts and why I made certain choices on their behalf, it was worth it, and maybe, just maybe, if it gives you or somebody, somewhere, reassurance for their own journey, it was worth it.

Tonight...
I saw the naked behind of my two year old, who had taken his clothes off, deciding he needed to be in that ocean just the way he came into this world...
Tonight...
I begged my daughter to sit beside me on the beach, even though she really wanted to walk back to the house because she was "bored". I looked at her, in all of her beauty, and I whispered a wish to the heavens that we would always be friends...
Tonight...
I watched my six year-old try to surf on his boogie board, knowing that one day he will be a superstar at everything he does and I'm amazed at his energy...
Tonight...
I looked for seashells for Liam, who was nursing a sunburn in my bed at the house- and I missed him.
Tonight...
I walked slowly up the dune, trailing my family, and dared to believe that I may just be witnessing a life where all that I've longed for is right here in my midst and maybe, just maybe, i can finally exhale

There's a lot of what I will call "Tom Worship" going on in this fabulous beach abode, this week. There are two women here, other than me, and they've both decided that my husband is, without a doubt, a dream. He's one of those "hands-on" guys- who doesn't have any pre-conceived notions of what it means to be a "man"- (he cleans, pays attention to his wife and children, offers help when necessary). I laugh out loud at this- mostly because I know it is true, but it seems funny to me, somehow, that I, of all people, would end up with this marvelous life-partner. I'd tried many of the opposing gender on for size, so to speak, before he showed up. I've loved him now for so long that I hardly remember what life was like before we met- actually, I DO remember and it wasn't that great, frankly. I had a boyfriend that I had decided I was gonna marry, come hell or high water- until he put the nail in the coffin of our relationship with the "I don't want to ever have kids" conversation....and, after grieving for many months, there was my husband, this person I never thought twice about....and then I just knew my fate was sealed. He was this soul whose mold my own spirit fit into so perfectly- and he poured love all over me like I'd never experienced in my life. And to this day, he still does, though perhaps not always as I wish- but in ways that are sacred to him.

We have an imperfect marriage- as we are both human and flawed as individuals. At the end of the day, however, he's still the person I run to when I am my happiest or my most sorrowful...he is still the father who is so much more for my children than I could have dreamed of...Sometimes I feel like I need to be offering him more of me- that somehow all of what I have isn't enough- and he just shrugs me off- saying he's got what he needs and that is all he wants.

So my kisses for him today have been just a little sweeter- knowing that, for once in my life, I think I may have just done something right- finding this man. He's a keeper and I so love him.

I did most of the driving for this adventure, so I had Tom log onto Twitter and ESPN.com on his cell phone to keep me posted on the Penguins march to the cup last night. I was so nervous- white knuckled on the steering wheel until the seconds finally ran down. We missed all the hoopla of being in the city to celebrate- we were banging our imaginary pots and pans on the porch- in spirt.

Missy brought copies of the local papers on her flight to the beach house in South Carolina, to share with us.

Missy and the kids with the front page headlines. Yippeee!

The Superbowl and the Stanley Cup in one year people?! Gotta love Pittsburgh. (except for those pesky winters.....I am going to forget they exist for now- I am in my summer fugue).

Some friends of ours convinced us to travel South with them, and another family, for the week- to get the heck out of the Burgh and get a little vitamin D from its most natural source. So we took off (after a few minor squabbles)yesterday evening and drove until almost 3 this morning the Sombar kids, barely conscious, at 2:45am, after a very long drive, getting ready to settle into our suite in Charlotte, NC.,


stayed in a nice hotel, then drove another four hours to their beach house. My kids have been looking forward to this road trip since we decided to go and are ga-ga over this most fabulous beginning to their summer vacation. The house has a pool, so after check-in, my three oldest spent hours in the water (Lily didn't even bother changing into a suit- she dove in fully clothed!), doing their best cannonballs and dives.







Dinner was burgers and dogs on the grill, then we all danced around the kitchen to the latest hip-hop grooves (a real sight for sore eyes, let me tell you).
Lily and Ben getting groovey Sofia and Erin showing off their moves while devouring some Breyer's ice cream.

Benjamin lost a tooth a few hours ago, so the tooth fairy better find some cash then get some much-needed shut-eye.

Good night everyone! Lily watching some Disney channel before nodding off

Liam on the bottom bunk

Lily and Theresa, who is here with her mom, another "Judy."



Sethy is too pooped to pop!

My greatest joys can sometimes fuel my greatest anger....That's motherhood friends!

I know that I have believed that being a mother was wonderfully rewarding, but today, I can't quite recall those moments- in fact, it feels like a joy-ride through hell. And I know at least one other woman who is nodding her head in agreement with me right now- my neighbor Haley. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat here in my kitchen downloading a recipe for tonight's dinner, I heard her screaming for her son, over and over again. For about five minutes she was calling his name (in various forms- beginning with the nice nickname, then the modified nick-name, then the formal first name, then the even more formal first name, then the last straw- and we all know this one- the formal first, middle, and last name- YOU GET YOUR BEHIND TO THE DRIVEWAY RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!") I could hear the anger and fear in her voice as he continued to hide from her and that motherly, sisterly, neighborly instinct kicked in and I went running outside to see if I could help, along with my other neighbor, Donna. Meanwhile, Haley found him- he was stowed away in her garage- and I am certain it was all she could do to hold it together and not throw him out a window. I know this because earlier, my son Liam, whose class performed plays for all of the parents today, out and out refused to wear the costume I had made him. I couldn't even phathom having gone out of my way this morning to get him something to wear so he would look like a ghost (Tom suggested I buy him a white T-shirt and paint the word "ghost" on the front- which I did!). And seeing him, with his script and no shirt, I stood at the back of the classroom, shooting daggers at him from my widest eyeballs, mouthing the words "PUT ON THAT SHIRT RIGHT NOW LIAM!!!" while he just smiled and shook his head "NO." Then I went home, threw a tantrum and told my husband that I quit. I'm done. Who cares if these kids have a mother who loves them, who goes out of her way to make sure they have what they need? Who cares? NOBODY.

And as I laid on my mattress, sobbing (Okay, I am PMS-ing people, give me a break), I remembered an incident with my own mother (she will not like this memory, I am sure)...I was a freshman in high-school and had gone away for a couple of days to a choral competition in Williamsburg. Well, when our bus finally arrived back at the school, instead of running into her open arms, appreciating how much she had missed me, I ran instead to my new boyfriend, a senior I had met on the trip, and began making out with him- in front of her. What a doophis I was- who does these things, people? Well, I did and boy- that woman was seething and I don't think she spoke to me for a week thereafter, except to tell me how inappropriate my behavior was, how I should never be kissing any boy like that unless I was married to him (to which I so kindly responded "I've done that before- what's the big deal?"), and how she'd slaved while I was away on making, by hand, a new bedskirt for my bed.

My point is that we give such great effort to these souls we bring into this world and the reality is that they are bound to disappoint us and hurt our feelings in the deepest ways because they are just trying to find their way through their own lives and don't understand that we've made our deepest commitment to giving them the best of us- our kids do not make life hard on us on purpose (I think)- I wasn't slobbering all over Eric Small because I wanted my mother to wish I was an ant she could just squash- I was doing that because I was immature, hormonal, and, well, a teenager. Liam didn't refuse to wear the ghost outfit to be an unappreciative twit- he doesn't like to be the center of attention and didn't want to stand out for any reason, and in my heart, I know this.

I am laughing, now, as I write this (hopefully you are too, Mom) and I'm only hoping that I can continue to find the truth in the muck that my emotions can become at the hands of my children (and at certain times of the month).

Benjamin, Liam, Lily, and our neighbor Eva, after we first got in line outside the store this morning.

Well, we did it, friends. My neighbor Hayley and her daughter Eva, along with Lily, Liam, Benjamin and I, arrived at our favorite grocery store at 10am and waited for FOUR HOURS to meet Duff Goldman from "Ace of Cakes." Hayley and I found ourselves giggling like teenagers (much to Lily and Eva's chagrin), waiting to meet him and get autographs. He was such a nice guy to the kids, signing the boy's shirts,
Eva's Pirates baseball cap, and Lily's baking apron. We also enjoyed listening to him talk some kitchen science concerning the best flours to use, and making icing (and how disgusting fondante tastes), as well as his trip to L.A. for the Harry Potter premiere and his time with Jon & Kate and the Gosselin children recently.

Shockingly, all the kids held up like troopers, even Ben whom I was sure would drop at any point and begin begging to leave. There were about a thousand people there today, I would guess, and we had a few close calls (like the old lady trying to run me over with her scooter, claiming we'd cut in front of her, only to have her pulled out of line because she had no ticket!), but all in all, in was a fun experience.




Our very patient but weary children, sitting on the frozen seafood, while Duff gave a talk on the difference between all-purpose flour, cake flour, and bread flour.

Lily trying to be heard during the Q & A portion of Duff's presentation. She didn't get picked but I was proud of her for raising her hand.

There he is- we finally get close enough to know the end is near when we are spitting distance away- luckily no one attempted to prove this by spitting though I am sure certain members of our party would have liked to try!






The kids getting their autographs. I was so happy for them.

Our big girl Lily, all ready for the next phase of her life as a middle schooler. She's an incredible young lady and we are so proud of her!

Well, folks, here we are, nearing the end of the school year and that bitter-sweet good-bye to the elementary years for our daughter, Lily. On Friday, the parents and the kids got to go to the park, mid-day, and have a carnival of sorts, with a balloon bounce, cotton candy, popcorn, clowns, a handwriting analyst, rubber duck hunt, and the presentation of their "Class of '16" backpacks (gulp!). We all had such a good time. I especially enjoyed carousing with the other moms whom I have formed such wonderful friendships with over the years. Lily steered clear of me for the most part, especially as I carried on with the ladies during our handwriting analyses (which were all hilarious and frighteningly on-point).

Afterward, we went back to the school to watch the "slide show" (boo-hoo) and eat cake (Seth's favorite part).

I am so proud of Lily, all the fifth graders, and the parents who have made the end of this year so special for our kids.

Ben with his awesome bubble blower from the clowns, as Seth looks on and wishes he could participate (we knew he would inhale the soap instead so we passed on the opportunity).

One of Lily's first good friends in Pittsburgh, Kate Lehr, with her wonderful mom Sharon.

Some of the fifth grade girls getting their handwriting analyzed. This was so much fun for everyone!

Lily's friend Emma and her mom Kirsten. Lily and Emma did a joke routine for the talent show in 3rd grade, which was so great. Lily's been seen as a comedienne ever since.

Lily and her fabulous mother (ha!) I'm So excited for my #1 girl!

My friend Missy getting her handwriting analysis, which was both shocking and hilarious.

Seth taking a breather on the playground, digging in the mulch.

Lily and her friends Jenna (left) and Katie (right)with their rubber ducks from the hunt. Each fifth grader got to find and keep four, all of which were different.

The whole fifth grade class, with their new backpacks, getting ready to head back to school after a talk from Mr. Phillips

One of the cakes waiting for the kids when they returned to school, this one celebrating their move next door to the middle school.

Liam took this picture of me, after I made him suffer through a practice run with me at home.

My friend Kim lent me the book "SkippyJonJones" by Judy Schachner, feeling certain that I would love it and be able to put some "story-lady magic" to it. So, doped up on my antibiotics, for many days, I made it to Ben's class at the end of the week to read (the parents were asked to come in and be guest story-tellers this month). Well, I have to say, I think it was a roaring success, if for no other reason than the fact that I had such a blast experimenting with my Mexican Chihuahua accent (I have zero Spanish-speaking ability, folks, so it was a true experiment). Ben was rather bitter that I did not choose a book that he and I had already read a million times, but I thought branching out was good, and even though he'll never admit it, his dimples were flaring from cheek to cheek when he saw how much his classmates got into participating with me.

So if you need a good laugh, check this one out.

Thanks Kim!

Tom came barging into the bedroom last night, all aglow, saying "I just saw the most wonderful thing.....". (this coming from a man whose emotions tend to run very low-key/lukewarm/neutral). "I went to turn the light off in Liam's room because I thought he was asleep and I saw that he was reading a chapter book." And I thought for a minute that Tom might just break down and cry right there.

Liam playing his favorite game of Stratego, and yes, appearing to be ready to commit a horrible crime in the process


Liam is eight years old and for those of you who have followed this blog for any length of time, you know that these past few years have been very hard on Tom and I as parents, and on Liam as a student in the public school system. Liam is incredibly intelligent and exceptionally mature but does not perform, academically, at the standards set for "average" second-graders in our school district. After a tumultuous first-grade year, one I thought I personally would not survive, Liam was tested and FINALLY given an IEP, directing his elementary school to give him specialized reading support. This year has been mostly positive, with two teachers at the helm that are spectacular. At his conference last week, where I met with the principal, his special education teacher, and his classroom teacher, I lifted praise to the heavens that Liam was, at last, being guided by educators who truly understand him and appreciate him for his many strengths.

Tom and I see vast improvements in areas where Liam once appeared to be stumped and we are hoping, for his sake, that the prior years have not taken any permanent emotional toll on his core belief that he is a valuable and gifted member of our world.

I have strep and maybe pink-eye and I've been laying here today reading a new book and blogging. Despite feeling rather foul, I have to say how much I appreciate these hours of having nothing to do, or nothing expected of me. These are rare moments and I am cherishing them as I surf the web for nothing and everything at the same time. I happened upon this site while doing research for a book I'm interested in writing. I thought it was thought-provoking; sad; eye-opening.

Missy took my two youngest this morning, to help us out. She is one of those pure-bred Irish broads who doesn't take any mess from anybody and all four of my brood think she's a rockstar. I know she felt some hesitation when I asked her to babysit, but she claimed to have a good time, though she was quickly worn out by Benjamin, the whirling dervish. She made the mistake of playing tag with him and was amazed that he never wanted to stop...hmmmm....sounds familiar. She thinks Seth is an angel- which is good because I'll be calling her again sometime and I need her to have happy memories of this task. :)

Missy and her buddy Sethy

With apologies to my sweet girl
Nancy Sanders, the #1 Washington Capitals fan ever, we are celebrating last night's win here in "Penguins" land and keeping our fingers crossed for the next one- tomorrow night!!! GO PENS

Here's a clue: he's cute and he makes amazing cakes.

DUFF GOLDMAN from our family's favorite Food Network show (only food network show) ACE OF CAKES!!!!

I was so excited that I nearly fell out of bed last night when my husband very casually informed me of this newsflash, as if he was speaking of the weather forecast or something ("oh, yeah, I heard that Ace of Cakes guy was going to be at Giant Eagle this Saturday...").

In usual Judy fashion, I will be taking my two big kids (who both TiVo Ace of Cakes and watch it religiously) to wait in what I assume will be some sort of pandemonium so we can fall all over Duff and infect him with whatever germ we are harboring at the moment (I currently have strep and am laid up in bed, with my good friend and savior,Missy Kozar, at the helm with my two little ones running errands).

You can read more Duff-stuff in this article from the Pittsburgh Tribune.

Watch our favorite episode of Ace of Cakes, featuring Duff's infamous "Hogwarts" cake for the "Harry Potter" movie premiere here:

Okay, friends. I had a root canal this morning, which was not the way I had expected my week to begin (it WAS NOT on my calendar for the day's events!). And to make it worse, they drilled through an existing CROWN (ahem....already paid the money for that, thank you very much) to do this very anxiety-provoking procedure. But this molar had been throbbing since Saturday so, frankly, I was just grateful to find an endodontist willing to take me in on an emergency basis- and then I was relieved to find that my dental insurance covered 80% of the $1000.00 experience (otherwise I may have been panhandling the blogosphere for spare change).

And can I just describe for you, very briefly, the various objects placed in my mouth for it to be drilled all to heck? Well, first it was the needle for the novacaine (ouch- i just kept remembering Benjamin's birth and the pain seemed not really all that bad....), then the clamp on the tooth, then the dental dam (which, for those of you either not alive in the early 90's or not educated on AIDS prevention techniques, as I was, just the mere mention of "dental dam" conjures up some rather inappropriate if not laughable illustrations of protecting oneself during, uh, how might I put this, "oral activities." I had to give a lecture on this as part of my "community health education" grade my senior year, so I'm well versed on the various prophylactic methods available for "safer sex."), then the bite guard for the opposing side of the mouth (thankfully relieving that horrible "jaw open too wide" ache that I have had, and nearly cried over, in previous dental nightmares), then the paper towel chained around my neck. I remember, at one point, reviewing some of my minister, BJ's, sermons of late, so that I didn't a) puke, and b) have a panic attack in the chair and freak everyone out (this is God talking "Judy, you are my child and with you I am well pleased"- over and over and over again).

My earthly father, in his usual comedic way, offered to refer me to a practice in Maryland where I could have dentures made for about $500.00. This I have considered. These pearly whites (or off-whites) have cost way more than I personally think they are worth. I believe that my husband may be seeing that point of view as well. Just ask him.