If you are paying close enough attention to the life around you, "teachable moments" are everywhere.

As I am sure most every football fan, and some passive observers, have heard, that the quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers has been embroiled in controversy for the second time in nine months-accused of sexual assault by at least two women, in two separate locations. As a mother, this is a difficult subject to broach with my young children because it involves some issues I'd rather not dialog about at this juncture. However, knowing that my sons, as well as my daughter, might be privvy to this information via the rumor mill at school, I decided to weave a morality lesson out of "Big Ben's" bad behavior, while playing kickball in our backyard (talks about sticky subjects are better had with some distraction, I believe).

For my 12 year-old, I felt that I could speak frankly, about the issues of rape, sexual assault, and protecting our bodies. I told her that Mr. Roethlesberger seemed to be having some trouble discerning appropriate sexual boundaries and how saying "no" to anyone, under any circumstances, is sufficient to expect compliance by the other person. End of Story. I also pointed out that, though "no" means "no" regardless, of how you appear, what clothing you choose or how inebriated you are or what you may have said prior, learning how to carry yourself as a woman with strength and dignity is also important. Then, of course, I threatened to beat the tar out of her if she ever ended up in a bar, underage, wearing explicit clothing.

As for my sons who are 9 and 7, I referred back to conversations we've always had pertaining to private parts. I told them that Big Ben had misbehaved in a public place and that he was alleged to have touched a woman's private parts without her consent. We discussed how powerful the word "No" is and how in life you must respect another person's wishes if they tell you to stop doing something that is hurting them. Over the years I have referred to this basic philosophy when they wrestle or are tickling one another (or walloping each other with sticks)- hoping that boys who are taught to stop when asked to, will be better prepared to do so when they are men.

While I resent the fact that these discussions are even necessary, especially when I'd love for my children to continue to believe that a football player that they have looked up to is a man of integrity, I am thankful to Ben Roethlesberger for giving me the opportunity to involve my sons and daughter in an invaluable life lesson.

Hey Jude don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better

And any time you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Da da da da da
da da da da

Hey Jude don't let me down
You have found her now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

So let it out and let it in
Hey Jude begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you
Hey Jude you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder

Da da da da da
da da da da Yeah

Hey Jude don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you'll begin to make it better
Better, better, better, better, better, Yeah,Yeah,Yeah

1, 2, 3, 4, (Jude, Jude, Judey, Judey, Judey, Judey, Waaa!) 5, (Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude) 6, (Yah, Yah, Yah) 7, (Jude, HEY JUDE! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!) 8, (OH, JUDE!) 9, 10 (Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH!) 11, 12, (Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, OOOOH, WHAAAAAAAAAAA!) 13, 14, 15, (YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!) 16, (JUDE, MAHMAHMAHMAHMAHMAAHAAAAHH!) 17, 18, (Woooooo!) 19, (Well then a Nah Nah...) 20...


Today was an especially bad day. I woke up done- like I needed to go back to bed and do the sleep routine for another eight hours, at least; the very act of actually climbing out from under the covers was more than I could do. Maybe my R.E.M. cycle had been interrupted one too many times during the night- I remember rousing at least twice, once from a weird dream and then, around 3am, for a horrifyingly wonderful thunder storm (I love storms).

Anyway, I have a really bad habit of turning inward when I feel stressed- it is far more comfortable for me to hermit than to reach out. So today, when I was gazing up from the "wrong side of the bed", so to speak, I was tempted to bury my angst in the piles of laundry in the basement...but, guess what? and here is the triumph...I showered (with Seth screaming outside the bathroom door), found clothes I liked, shoes to show off my tootsies- one of my best attributes at the moment, left Seth in the care of his loving therapist, and bolted out the door to have coffee with some women I love (and some I'd never met, but will probably love). And tonight, I feel encouraged at having pushed my limits...the day didn't improve very much, but I left my comfort zone and found solace in the company of humanity at its core (and it was so much sweeter than hiding).

I am starting to really get to know all the things that lurk beneath my skin- some of them I'm rather fond of, others leave me seeking change.

Tonight, on American Idol (yes, I am truly pathetic), the last performer of the night turned out a fantastic rendition of "Hea Jude." This, for some strange reason, has always been one of my all-time favorite Beatles tracks, and whether or not it is about heroin addiction or John Lennon's son Julian, or some other mysterious topic, I get it. And it fits.