"That I Would Be Good" 
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you ---Alanis Morissette


To the souls who worked alongside of me in Florida this weekend:

Many of you asked if I would post the words of my closing statement, so that you could print them out and read them to yourselves, perhaps holding them as some of your own truths on this journey that you are undertaking right now...Let me just say, first, that I am humbled before you all.  Please know that the power and energy behind what I wrote, comes directly from your presence there, in that most sacred space, and from the courage that is reflected in the eyes of each and every one of you.  You are some of the most amazing people I have ever had the honor to be around.  And I treasure your love.

The four reasons why I do what I do-- Lily, Liam, Benjamin, and Seth Sombar

I would like to add, however, that it is important for you to know how much pain I felt, not only during the preceding days (which you witnessed), but in the very moments prior to me sitting before you, in that seat of honor, with the microphone and my notes, on Sunday.  You need to know that while I may have appeared comfortable and content in that chair,  I cried, long and hard, from the moment my feet touched the floor of our meeting space that morning.  You need to know that my "breathwork" was profoundly disappointing...that I pondered whether or not I'd make it back to my family in one piece...that I questioned if I'd accomplished anything in these two phases that I've participated in since May.  I, like you, and everyone else really,  am a work in progress. The more I repeat these truths to myself, the more they will feel like my reality.  If they resonate with you, and affirm your life as well, than my work to get to you, this weekend, and the weekend before, and to persevere through what felt like the depths of hell, was worth it.  You are worth it.  I have breathed your breaths, and sat in your stillness, felt the gravity of your pain, and I believe in the goodness, possibility, and hope of every one of you.  So here is my [slightly edited] version of our assignment:

I've lost track of the days at this point....this has already been such a whirl-wind trip and we're really just getting started. I underestimated how much technology it would take to post, daily, about our journey- we have lacked internet access much of the time, and sometimes there hasn't been electricity either. Then there's also the part about how I flew out of Denver last Thursday morning, for a scheduled healing trip to the center in Florida, and just returned this evening.....really, what family, in their right mind would do this? I have no clue.

We are in COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO, where we plan to spend the next day and a half.

We have tons of photos to upload, of course. And lots of funny stories.

For those of you following along, sorry this is less than organized- but we'll get it together at some point....when there is a free hour or two....

Let's see: Pennsylvania to Ohio to Indiana to Illinois to Wisconsin to Minnesota to South Dakota to Wyoming to COLORADO.....where we landed this evening. I'd love to tell you more- I've promised that much, but I'm wiped out from two thousand miles of driving so I'm going to sleep and get back to you tomorrow....which will be an unbelievably crazy day.

Joining the blogroll over at The Gypsy Mama for today's Five Minute Friday...Here is my unedited stream of consciousness on Grateful:

I was driving my kids to the pool today when I noticed an envelope in my purse, addressed simply to "Judy" and sealed.  Slightly befuddled and taken aback, I opened the card, at a stop light, to find lovely words from a good friend- snuck into my purse, at some point, when I wasn't looking, just because...and I've learned to recognize those "little happys", as I call them, as God.  I smiled as I thought of how blessed I am in my life- how full my days are with love, surrounded by souls who care very deeply for the path that I am trodding and their place on it with me.

My faith in God waxes and wanes, especially when times are tumultuous and full of pain.  Lately, though, what I'm finding is a God who hangs out in the muck and the mire, who stalks me until I acknowledge his presence, mostly in the darnedest places, and at such unsuspecting times- in Giant Eagle three weeks ago, in the eyes of an old friend, and at the hair salon, yesterday, in an oddly clairvoyant conversation with my stylist....it leaves me weepy and in awe- that for all of the times, in the last few years, where I have felt isolated and alone, I have been guided by a force beyond my comprehension.

Tonight, I am astoundingly grateful.

Meandering over to The Gypsy Mama, joining the blogroll for FIVE MINUTE FRIDAYS:  here is my unfettered, unadulturated post for the evening:

"Mommy and Lily Camp"-shake tasting at local coffee hubs.

Liam, our lacrosse player- the "midi" position