My belly is growing like wild fire and I am becoming concerned that the next four months will prove too much for my body to take. I already feel so exhausted and out of breath. I don't really understand why I have grown so big when the scale does not register much weight gain. I LOVE my belly, immensely, but I need to really focus on staying healthy.

I have experienced the love of Jesus this week, thru some unlikely people- people who are not all intentionally giving me the love of Jesus, even though that is what it feels like to me. First of all, my MOPS group, which I feel so deeply drawn to- I haven't been to a meeting in a couple of months due to travel and illness. When I showed up yesterday morning, I was greeted with such caring and affection, even from women who don't know me really, whose names I can't even recall. Bridget and Amy, my dear groupmates, are so warm and loving. I long to spend more time in their presence and be inspired by their spiritual committments (even though they are republicans. ha ha ha).

Stacey, my dearest Mt. Lebo bud, had such a glow when greeting me at the kindergarten door yesterday. She is worried about her health and must have an MRI tomorrow to rule out MS but she radiated such love toward me. She's told me on several occasions that she feels closer to me than anyone she's met since having her son Ben six and a half years ago. What a complement. I am so blessed. She is so great and fun to laugh with. The pussy-laser, Stacey, the pussy-laser. Now that, my friend, we will always remember!!! I love you.

Jeni Mahani, my gourmet-lunch partner through Juniors. She's been calling to check on me and tell me that she misses me.

I don't know. I wish it wasn't so hard for me to accept love from other people and to return it. I long for intimacy yet I often run from it like the plague. Nancy Sanders would know this, about me, best of all, and for that, I am truly ashamed.

I pray, this week, that the Lord helps me to be better at loving those around me who give me such strength and support. I pray that he replaces my bitterness toward my enemies with deep regard and affection toward my friends. They are who matter and who deserve my time, in both thought and actions.

I spent Thursday and Friday evenings at Washington Elementary School watching proudly as Lily performed in the variety show. During the all-kids sing-along at the beginning, I smiled as I noticed, probably for the very first time, how much she looks like me as a kid. With Benjamin, it has always been pretty obvious that most of his physical traits (and perhaps behavioral!!!) come from me, and with Liam, he has a lot in common with Tom as a child, but with Lily, we have often wondered who it is that she resembles. She's always been kind of unique in that regard. However, staring in wonder at her, as she sang Joy To The World by Three Dog Night, I felt a loving familiarity with that nine-year old, as if I could reach out and hold her as myself at the same age. I've told her before that I think we would have been great friends had I known her in my youth. She likes all the things I myself was so passionate about. God, do I love her. Thank you Lord for her gift to me!

I felt the pitter pat of Seth's hands and feet inside my belly last night and I marveled at the miracle of life and a mother's love. Oh, how I love you little boy. This morning I helped Benjamin make Valentine cards for his classmates and watched as he wrote his name by himself for the very first time. No box of chocolates or fancy jewelry could make me as proud as I felt at that moment with him. He grinned from ear to ear, so delighted with his newfound abilities. Lily constructed her cards at the crack of dawn this morning- she's an early bird like her Daddy. I came down to find my kitchen counter full of the loveliest Valentines, all made so unique for each one of her classmates. She is a wonder and I love her more and more each minute. She is so much like me but a better, more refined version. I love seeing her creative juices flow so easily. Liam spent the evening finishing up his "100 project" and you could see his pride over his handiwork from a mile away. This morning he's been vegging in front of the TV and very happily communing with his siblings. These are the times I am so happy for a big family- we are so blessed.

and I'm not feeling delightful. In fact, I have bronchitis or pneumonia or something horrible. The kids have been so patient and wonderful. This morning, Ben and Lily and I had a mini-spa in my bed, giving each other back massages. We were all laughing and enjoying ourselves and I thought how lucky I am to have them and how good it is that I chose to be with them full-time. The thought that I could be at a corporate job somewhere missing out on these fleeting moments with them is painful to entertain. As much as I crave my freedom and individuality sometimes, it is times like this where I am certain that I did the right thing.

We saw his beautiful life on the sonogram Wednesday. The radiologist said that he was extraordinarily beyond anyone's wildest dreams- perfect. I know that to be true in my heart- Seth is our miracle baby and I love him so much already!!!!

the kids and i had a blast celebrating the cancellation of school due to the ultra frigid temps of pittsburgh. we went to our local grocery store and each of the kids selected their favorite treat food and we planned our feast- oreo cookies, oreo cookie ice cream, root bear, tater tots, nectarines, peaches, grapes, hummus and bread (my choice!). I love being a mom when i can be a kid and splurge and watch them be so excited. They were so thrilled to be able to indulge at their whim. We all need to do that once in a while, don't we?

Until we get to see Baby Sombar #4 (a/k/a firecracker). I'm so excited I can hardley stand it. :)