Oh, baby, how I want to tell you, with all my heart, how much I love you and feel so blessed that you are mine. That you have spent the last 12 1/2 years of your 39 with me, is such a gift, you just don't know. You are such an amazing man, in so many ways, most of which you never get reminded of, in the chaos of our days.

The Thirty-Nine Best Things About Tom Sombar

1. Red hair- in the perfect shade, colored by God
2. The peach fuzz when you get your hair cut, that I love to run my fingers through, making it almost tolerable that you have better hair than me!
3. Your searing blue eyes. They are stunning and I'm so glad you gave them to our kids.
4. Your perfect nose- you lucky duck!
5. Your freckles, which you've also shared with our kids- and they are adorable.
6. Your muscles, which have always done it for me.
7. Your butt- except when it stinks. :)
8. Your brain- which is, by far, one of the most incredible things about you. You are so intelligent and well-rounded in your knowledge. I am constantly in awe of your thought process and your ability to discuss such a wide-range of topics. I never tire of your company and conversation. I learn so much from you.
9. Your feet- an odd way of putting this, but I like your drive to move- to hike, to run-around, to walk in the sand, to dance. Your feet help you to soar with me to great heights, and keep me steady, literally.
10. Your drive to better yourself- constantly, while still remaining a laid-back human being, willing to live with your imperfections....and mine.
11. Your appreciation for the beat of hip-hop music. I enjoy listening and singing along with you, and watching the energy it gives you, despite its resounding inappropriateness.
12. The warmth of your body when I lay next to you (and you are not snoring- it happens...rarely...but it happens).
13. Your tolerance of my need to mix "Ava Maria" into our boody-shakin' hits CD. It takes a special person to overlook my ADD, even in the music arena!
14. Your sense of humor- we are well-matched. And I know this everyday. That laughter has gotten us through some horrendous challenges and I look forward to your presense every evening because of it.
15. Your work ethic- appreciated by all you work with, no doubt, but also by me, as you support our family and allow us to live a good life.
16. Your open-minded spirit, towards many things that you, yourself, may not think of as "right" or a good idea. This extends to so many levels.
17. Your willingness to watch "Brokeback Mountain," even while faining boredom and preoccupation with your computer. I'm glad you are not a gay cowboy but I'm also glad you don't mind that they exist.
18. Your involvement in our children's lives-both the little and big ways. It is so important and you are an amazing father. The best I know, by far.
19. Your affectionate spirit. Your need to reach out and hold me, even when we are having a fight or things are otherwise yucky. I often walk-away, but I like that you don't.
20. Your hugs. They are the best.
21. Your sense of style. You make khakis unboring.
22. Your cleanliness. You compliment my slobism well.
23. Your ability to clean the house in 20 mins. I am envious.
24. Your romantic nature- sending me cards in the mail. I love it. And need nothing more elaborate than your words on paper. Never. Well, except for that 10th anniversary ring. ahem.
25. Your culinary accomplishments. You have taught me a lot about preparing food and I love creating dishes with you. In another lifetime, we will do more cooking side-by-side. When we aren't traveling...
26. Your willingness to grow our family beyond your original expectations. That you absorb my dreams and allow them to come true is a gift beyond measure and one whose goodness you will reap for an eternity.
27. Your level-headedness. You balance my drama quite well, though I'm sure you wish you didn't have to as much as you do. That is what those vows were for, babe. Thanks for honoring them to a "T."
28. Your computer savviness. A great help to those clueless techies who live amongst you.
29. Your forgiving spirit. Jesus lives in you everyday.
30. Your need to hear my voice all day. I love that you call me all the time and remind me that you love me- for no good reason. I never want to experience silence on your end. NEVER.
31. Your athletic abilities- as I have nearly none.
32. Your drive to succeed in your career. I will go anywhere with you.
33. Lillian Marie Sombar
34. Liam Michael Cleveland Sombar
35. Benjamin Thomas Sombar
36. Seth Paul Sombar XVIIIth
37. Judy Sombar. I love who I have become because of loving you. I wouldn't want to be anybody else, anytime or anywhere.
38. Our life together- which has been built on a foundation of love, endurance, passion, acceptance, gratefulness, simplicity, tolerance, laughter, tears, common interests, and harmony in dailiness.
39. YOU. You are everything in the world to me and I am looking forward to spending every single one of your future birthdays with you. I am so grateful for your life and how it clings to me. You are my better half. My all. I love you immensely. Thank you for sharing your days, weeks, years with me. You are all I need. Forever.

Karin Turkovich and I became friends immediately, when we met on the first day of preschool for our sons this past fall. Ben and Trevor bonded at once and so did we. The teachers even commented that they assumed we'd been friends for a long time, and here we'd only just introduced ourselves.

Well, Karin has been such a saint to me during this whole pregnancy, providing me with tremendous support, picking up Ben, or Ben and Liam, at the drop of a hat, to give me a break. Today she took Ben to the zoo for the afternoon. What a treat for him.

It is hard for me to convey to her, with words, how much I appreciate all of her generosity to me. She is a gift from God and I hope to return the favor someday, in spades.

Liam is on my mind right now and I wanted to write about his accomplishments in the last week, which are so huge and such a big deal for him. On Saturday, just one day after starting swimming lessons with his brother, he began swimming, unassisted by floaties or a kick board. Today, he taught himself how to do the back stroke, completely submerged in water (he prefers underwater swimming to anything on top of the water). He is also reading like a champ. Both of these things make him feel so good about himself and we are so proud of his hard work.

I continue to marvel at his giving spirit, which I've seen several times this week, in his interactions with Lily.

I love this little boy more than words will ever say. I am so blessed to be his mother. So very blessed.

I am finding, right now, that the hardest part of my parenting role is being in control of my children's environment, especially concerning both the friends they choose to keep and even the strangers around us whose behavior is of great concern. We are struggling, at our gym, which we attend every night, to cope with a 10 year-old boy who is nothing short of a menace to everyone around him, especially younger kids. Tonight, his older adolescent brother stormed into the pool area, began screaming and cursing at his mother, then slammed his fist into a poolside storage unit. The entire staff of the gym was on its toes and going after this person, but it was so disturbing to me that my children had to witness such violent behavior, so close to them. After the events of the week in Virginia, any sort of anger management issues can conjure up all manner of trepidation for the what ifs in life, and I just don't want to deal with any of it.

Just when I think I cannot possibly cope with a situation, God's grace wraps me in a blanket and gets me through. I left the house this morning at 7:45 bound for the lab to complete my 3 hour glucose tolerance test. Those who know me best are fully aware that the 7:45 part was a challenge, in and of itself, as I am a die-hard evening-person, fairly comotose earlier than 9am (I get up with the kids in a state of semi-consciousness before then). I was feeling fairly confident at that point, however, because I had Anne Lamott's new book Grace (Eventually) Thoughst on Faith in tow, along with a tall glass of ice-water, to substitute for the breakfast I was forbidden to eat. The lab was empty, except for me and the very pleasant phlebotomist. I was ever grateful that the needle she inserted into my arm, promptly at 8am, didn't even pinch, due to some extraordinary talent of hers, no doubt (I've had the whole spectrum of blood draws). As I returned to me seat in the waiting room, for what was to be 3 hours of lounging, I was distraught to discover that the seats were very uncomfortable on my pregnant behind, and I was losing what little stamina I had from the famine that had ensued in my brain. I tried to become engrossed in my Lamott book, as planned, but I was too distracted by the misery I'd begun to feel at the challenge I was being forced to endure. I prayed, with earnest, that the Lord would somehow intercede and turn the hands on the clock to 11am, but those miracles never really occur as we hope they will. But, I'm happy to report that somehow I did manage to cope, without sprawling out on the teal green rug and going to sleep, by building a makeshift laz-y-boy out of two chairs and taking cat-naps. At 10am, my darling husband and two funny boys show up, out of the blue, to surprise me, and I nearly fainted with delight for the distraction. They stayed about 10mins, long enough to descend like vultures on the water dispenser and the candy basket, then left me to endure only about 45-50 mins. of additional boredom. (I love my family- they really do light up my life- though I won't sing the infamous Debbie Boone song right now in ode to them). I departed the lab at exactly 11:05 and sauntered to the Uptown Coffee shop, begging Jesus to make them have my favorite cranberry shortbread cookies. They did- along with a wonderfully refreshing lemonade. My friend Karin Turkovich, popped by to take Ben to chik-fil-a with her son, for lunch, and, at the last minute, offered to take Liam too. She is clearly a Saint. Tom and I ate lunch out and then saw Seth via sonogram at 1:45. He looked beautiful, and not the enormous blob of baby that we half-expected to see, given my extraordinary measurements two days ago (9weeks ahead of my dates). He weighs 2.6 lbs. and appears to have long feet like Lily. :)

We are so blessed, at every turn, by the lives that God has called us to lead. I love my family, friends, and our growing baby. What more could I ask for than this? Nothing.

Life is good.

Several weeks ago I found what I would consider a real treasure amongst the muck at the thrift store- "Traveling Mercies" by Anne Lamott. A writer friend of mine introduced me to her, encouraging me with much insistance to read "Bird By Bird," Anne's book on how to start writing. I bought it, skimmed through it, got pessimistic about my dreams, and put it away with my skinny jeans and half-done art projects. Something in my soul (desperation, confusion, you name it) provoked me into bringing "Traveling Mercies" with me to Maryland for some light Spring Break brain nourishment. Must to my amazement, however, I found myself drawn to every word spoken in those pages, savoring each chapter like white chocolate raspberry truffle cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory or crab bisque from Jerry's Seafood. I tore through that book, longing for more. By some stroke of God's grace, I arrived back in Pittsburgh to a notice from my local library that the sequel to "Traveling Mercies" ("Plan B Further Thoughts on Faith") was there waiting for me. In just a day and a half, I have completed all 300+ pages and am ivigorated by the fact that Lamott has just published part 3. As I lay here, in awe of her work, and how it has captivated me, with such ease, I wonder what about these books draws me in like this. Shortly before completing the second to the last chapter, Anne quotes from the Christian tradition that "the soul rejoices in hearing what it already knows."
Anne Lamott is a self-professed devout Christian, transformed from a life of addiction and hopelessness by a faith that keeps her going, even during the worst of times. And she says the word "fuck". For me, a liberal, Christ-seeking, deeply sinful woman, longing for a democratic president, world peace, and exhonneration from my multitudinous sins, the literary combination of Jesus with the occasional need to utter four-letter words in chants, reaches way down into my soul and urges me to continue to seek the truth of Christianity in my own way- not necessarily the way of other christians around me. What my soul knows is that the recipe for what I'm searching for lies within me and, like Lamott, I need to seek it from where I stand.

the kids and i hid Easter eggs this afternoon. I've felt exhausted all day so I had to really muster the energy to participate as my children expected me to. Their joy is so raw and simplistic- they don't receive any reward for their finds- they just love the act of hiding then finding the eggs they worked hard to decorate. The third go around was Ben's turn to hide. As their were 31 eggs, I asked him if he would like my help- he feverishly declined, ushering me, instead, to the front yard with his siblings. About ten minutes later he commands that we return, as he was done securing the eggs in their secret locations. As I walked through the foyer, then the living room, I found myself amazed that I was not locating any of the eggs- it was what seemed to me to be the most challenging egg hunt of my lifetime. Ben just sat on the couch, feet up, watching us all scramble, confused and bewildered that only 4 of the 31 had been located. After about 10 or 15 minutes of this circus, Ben says he is going to give us clues by saying whether or not we were hot or cold. He then proceeds to exclaim that we were all so cold we were freezing. This despite us being in every corner of the living room, the place he claimed all the eggs were hidden. Well, a few minutes later, and he decides to reveal that there were some in the kitchen too (which was against the rules). So, Lily goes into the pantry where she discovers 27 of the 31 eggs, all dumped in the same location. I laughed so hard I started to pee, which is not really a complement to my third child's sense of humor as it is to the deterioration of my bladder muscles and my ever-growing uterus. Anyway, I thought, as I sat there, howling in hysterics, how wonderful it is to experience life right in the moment that it is happening, and see how deprived we all are when we focus on attaining greatness all the time. It really is about pure happiness and being able to laugh. God, it feels good.

I have a very vivid memory of walking along the beach, after dark, on Fenwick Island, with my high-school sweetheart, Jay, and hearing the infamous Genesis song "Home By The Sea" playing like a soundtrack for that moment in my life. I felt a longing, right then and there, to have a home, right on the seashore, where i could stare out at the ocean for hours, and feel its peace sweeping over my soul. Reality, being what it is, I haven't acquired that property yet, though I've spent hours in that dream since.

Fast forward 20 years, and I'm standing on the edge of the Chesapeake Bay, today, staring into the tide, seashells and driftwood at my feet, and I felt this amazing since of abundance- that I was home- by the sea, right inside myself- deliriously happy and content with the stage that my spirit is in right now- mom to three (soon-to-be four) children, married to a man that makes me laugh, surrounded by the wonders of God's creation and all his blessings.

Amen!