A wonderful woman, native to Bolivia, came into my life a couple of years ago- Lourdes is her name. She surprised me today and stayed at my friend Wendy's house waiting for my arrival. When I walked in the door, she embraced me and cried, for what seemed an eternity, telling me of how much she has missed me and she loves me. Lourdes cleaned my house when we lived in Riverdale. Every other week she arrived at the Hyattsville Metro, ready to pour all of her energy into the sloppy three bedroom bungalow we called home. Lourdes worked harder than anyone I'd ever met in my whole life. At the end of the day, I paid her and sent her on her way, her 2 year-old daughter in tow. All of us, Tom, Lily, Liam, Ben, and I, grew to love her, like a family member and were sorry to part with her lovely spirit when we got the transfer to Pittsburgh. Yet I haven't kept in touch with her and wonder why I have allowed the language barrier that I feel get in the way of loving her like I do my other friends. As I stood in her presence this evening, I felt shame, not only for the fact that I hadn't written or called as promised (a year and a half ago), but that she could express so much affection for lowly me- me whose toilets she scrubbed with earnest, who doesn't deserve, in all honesty, to be treated with such tenderness, by a woman, who by all accounts, is closer to God than human. I believe this with all my heart. Those of us privileged white folks, employing people of diversity to do our dirty work, don't see how far away we are from the kingdom of heaven. In all of our imperialism, feeling that our dollars are payment enough, we fail to see that it is within the humility of souls like Lourdes that Jesus resides- and until we humble ourselves and live at that level- we may never see Christ as he truly exists...Matthew 19:24 "....it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God."

So, then, what do we do? Those of us who live comfortable middle-class lives? Do we scrub our own toilets, toiling from dusk 'til dawn, in effort to see more clearly the Lord who makes his home with the poor? Matthew 5:3-10 "God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs....God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth... I am, by no means, wealthy. I grew up on the poorer side of middle-class, knowing my fair share of lower-income living. Even in our modest home, in our upper-income neighborhood, we are most likely among the bottom dwellers of our neighbors, just making ends meet, paycheck-to-paycheck. But, in relation to the world, we are rich. I hunger for a closer walk with the Lord but know that my number one downfall is my love of things- my enchantment with money- my unwillingness to do without.

This I will pray fervently about- hoping, of course, in all my humanness (sin) that I can hang on to my status, while finding other ways to be a "good" christian.

My life, like everyone else's, is a work in progress. The work, or maybe the progress, can be so hard for me because it is painfully slow. One area that I struggle with, constantly, is my anxiety over having kids visit and not knowing if they'll find any toys to play with. In rereading this to myself, I realize how stupid that sounds- I am a mother of three young children. How could there possibly be a lack of toys? Well, it is not so much that we have no toys, its that they are in a constant state of disarray, as is much of my home, and I'm so afraid that we won't be able to find what the kids are looking for. I don't know. I so desperately want to be organized. I am working on this with a vengeance because I believe that it holds the key to so much of my bewilderment from time to time. I am a better mother and a happier person, in general, when my life seems in order. I know that I cannot control many things happening either to me, or around me, but I can control my environment, in as much as it does not need to be so filled with chaos.

I shall revisit this at another juncture, hopefully with marked improvement and inner-peace.

I feel amazingly happy and full of wonder at the beauty of my life- even at 9:40 on a night when my husband is just getting home from a trip. In gazing at the events of the day, there are many things which came together to create harmony for me: the effectiveness of cold medicine and Robitussin (though very nasty going down!) in helping me cope with getting out of bed- coughing up a lung and feeling horrible; staying home this morning despite the impulse to do otherwise, and finding the strength to get busy preparing for the afternoon play date; making pumpkin muffins and bread with Ben; reading the Boxcar Children and playing tic-tac-toe with Liam, finding my glasses before I went berserk looking for them; Georgina playing with the boys just before noon and Donna taking Liam to kindergarten; watching Kasey pull bags of clothes and a baby bathtub out of her van for us to have for Seth; seeing Ben's glee at Ella's presence; talking to Jean Stout, our neighbor, about my pregnancy and her mothering experience, the gorgeous weather for playing outside with Ben and his 4 friends from preschool; chatting with Kasey, Lila, and Sam's step-mom Christina; laughing at our kids sledding down our muddy hill in the backyard; getting complements on my house; the smell of my new yankee candle; telling Lila how much I enjoy our new friendship; seeing Liam's bird that he made in school; watching Lily go off for a hike with the Brownie troop and be excited about it; talking with Stacey and Jennifer on the playground- while watching the boys hunt for acorn tops- with fervor; getting tender phone calls and an email from my husband today, while he was away on business; giving Laurie Sapp the loaf of pumpkin bread I reserved for her- in gratitude for her helping me get Lily to orchestra rehearsals these past two weeks; talking to Sharon Lehr, who is so cheerful, and having her tell me that Kate thinks I am the best mom in the whole world (ha); eating cereal/chips & salsa with kool-aid for dinner, and being okay with that; playing memory with Liam- twice; helping Lily start her own blog and see how passionate she was about writing on it; having my mom call and check on me AND remind me that American Idol was on; watching American Idol with the kids on the kitchen floor; the cool thunderstorm; tom's safe return.

Wow. I am so lucky. And that is probably not even all the greatness of today. I think being surrounded by positive people, whose company I thoroughly choose and enjoy, and being in a house that is seemingly in order, makes a HUGE difference to my day. I must meditate on this and plan to include both of those things in my daily routine.

I forgot to give thanks for the woman in Michael's Craft Store last night who offered me her 40% off coupon to purchase what appeared to be a very expensive Quilting Book I had picked out. Hilariously, the book only rang up $3.00, despite its $26.95 price tag. I laughed and handed her the coupon to use herself. But I was touched by her kindness and ever amazed by the generosity of the human spirit.

The night before last I had a dream that I was holding Seth- he was a couple of days old and he was so warm and cuddley. I was so happy. Then, in my dream, I woke up to find that not only did I not have a baby boy but I wasn't even pregnant. I then woke with a start and was so relieved to see my big belly under the covers and to feel my son kicking. I feel the utmost gratitude to the Lord for the gift of life which he has, again, bestowed upon me as a mother. There is an optimism that is born with conception and pregnancy that I cannot explain but gives me such joy. I made a trip to Babies R Us yesterday evening. I haven't been in that store in many years. I felt so warm inside as I wandered the aisles, just looking at all the baby supplies and knowing that soon our family would be blessed wih the presence of yet another little boy. While I am so giddy about getting to meet Seth Paul and hold him in my arms, I am also looking forward to watching Lily, Liam, and Ben nurture their brother. It will be an experience that Tom and I have not been privvy to before, as our children were always so much younger when a sibling arrived- their interactions were different. Now, being 9, 6, and 4, each of them will have their own special way of bonding with their new little brother that will be so enriching to all of us. I can't wait!

*that my husband made it home safely from his trip
*that I got my van back from the shop and the lock repair was covered under warranty
*that we had money to pay for the brake repairs
*the Eagle's Nest
*my salmon salad in the cafe at Giant Eagle
*the big boy picnic with my two wonderful sons
*the warm weather
*the rain which will restore green to our plants
*the librarian who carried my three bags of books all the way to my van so I would not have to
*the playdate at Stacey's house and all the yummy snacks (and the candy bowl which my children pilfered through like thieves in a bank heist)
*my time alone this evening
*my books from the library, especially the ones on painting murals and homeschooling
*the very tastey but quite non-nutritive blue kool-aid :)

1) that I had tom's car to drive to community bible study, even though it is a stick shift and the kids are hard to buckle in the back.
2) that there were no horrible inclines to suffer through with the stick shift.
3) that it was brunch day and people brought very yummy fresh fruit and breads.
4) for everyone in my group- Lord, I love those people: Martha, Cynthia, Norma, Betsy, Jan, Jean, Eun, Astrid, Amy, and Joni. First-class human beings whom I am blessed to sit with every Thursday morning. We laugh, sometimes, cry, but always learn so much from each others' experiences. Priceless.
5) for Barbara Pryor and her funny way of bringing home the word of Paul, which we've been studying this semester.
6) for the boys performing a song for the moms in the sanctuary today. I sat in the front row just so I could see them and they could see me. Ben could not have looked more thrilled at the sight of his mommy grinning from ear to ear. Liam could not have looked more nervous. They were both terrific and I was so proud
7) for my husband's loving email to me today. I love him so.
8) for my lunch with Stacey- a rare moment- a delicious conversation over a delicious salad. She's so great and I love our friendship.
9) for my love of children's books and being able to read to Ben's class today.
10) for every time I felt Seth kick in my belly today- reminding me of the miracle of him.
11) for my parents who always seem happy to hear from us. We miss their presence here and can't wait to visit with them soon.
12) for God's grace in helping me get thru the time of Tom's business trip without throwing myself off of a bridge or freaking out on my kids. I am exhausted, the kids are a little bored, but all-in-all we made it.

Lily comes into my room in the mornings now, sometimes after getting up at the crack of dawn to get dressed for school, and lays with me. I love holding her and having her embrace me with such fervor. I hate to think of us ever losing that bond. I love her and love how she loves me. She's nine. I hope that when she is twelve and seventeen, we are still snuggling.

Liam is a most amazing six-year-old. Despite the fact that I am obviously biased, being his mom, there really is something about this kid that blows your mind. He is, and always has been, so generous. He freely gives of his toys and his time. This past weekend he spotted some Pokeman books at a library sale and asked to purhase them for his friend Ben Walls. After he got them home, we wrapped them in special paper, like a present, and even made him a card- for no reason. Just to be nice. Expecting absolutely nothing in return. Yesterday, when we were getting ready to play a round of tic-tac-toe together, he called in from the kitchen and asked if I would like a drink. He brought me a glass of water before he'd even served himself. Tonight, when Lily announced that she wasn't feeling good, and I suggested that she come into the livingroom where we were playing and lay down, Liam made her a bed out of the chair and ottoman, covered it with his quilt, and got her a pillow. Again, for nothing. Lily isn't even that nice to him, generally (he has been a pain in her rumpus for many years, to be fair to her).

I see the grace of God in Liam more than anyone else. I just want to hold him and capture that spirit so it doesn't fade away. He is so beautiful, inside and out, and the fact that I am his mother, is so unfathomable to me- what an amazing gift I have been given by simply knowing this child. I thank the Lord for his presence in our family daily.

I am currently eating my way through a half-empty box of Wheat Thins, trying to overcome my frustration with the discipline issues I seem to be having with my three children. I would define myself as a pretty lenient but extremely loving and participative parent. I believe that I give my children an exhaustive about of freedom and validation to explore many of their own interests and/or ideas at the time they are having them. Up until this point, we have not done much in the way of restricting TV watching, though we do offer up more exciting alternatives which are a natural detterent from the tube. Tonight Lily and Liam really disappointed me with their behaviors and I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that perhaps I need to reorganize some of my mothering techniques and apply stroger discipline tactics to our daily routines. The areas that Tom & I are finding the most challenging right now are: 1) TV watching- when we lived in Maryland, our children could go weeks without ever wanting to turn on our television. We didn't have cable, so the majority of shows they were interested were retrieved off of a DVD (Little House on The Prairie, Animal Planet sponsored titles, or movies). Upon moving to Pittsburgh, the land of the longest and greyest winters known to man, using the TV as a form of coping became a daily habit, helping both my children and myself to get through the duldroms of extreme temperatures and somber skies. I purchased cable for the first time in my life, and we all got attached to one channel or another, especially Lily with the Disney sitcoms. The struggle comes into play when our children respond to Tom or I with complete disrespect when asked to turn off the TV to come to dinner or to complete a simple chore such as, picking up clothes or toys from the day, helping to set the table for the meal. Bedtimes are constantly being upstaged and met with rage when a show is on they don't want to miss. For all of the leverage we have provided to them, they seem to push and push, all exacerbated by long hours of passive viewing of the boob-tube. It also effects the quality time that we spend together as a family. Benjamin, who isn't as interested in TV, very often is left to play alone, instead of with his brother and sister, because they don't want to be torn away from a show. B)Chores- I shudder at the very term "chores" as I came to resent it so much as a child. I spent every Saturday of my growing years doing CHORES with my mother, everything of scrubbing the bathroom, to the kitchen, to dusting, vacuuming, and mopping. I came to resent the fact that while most of the kids I knew were enjoying their weekends off from school by playing or doing fun things with their parents, I was stuck in our apartment, completing tasks which seemed to drag on all day. As a parent I have asked very little of my children in this regard, as I never wanted them to feel the way I had. Well, here I am, the mother of a 9 1/2, 6 1/2, and 4 yr. old, all of whom reak havoc on this house daily, and most of whom, are not compelled in any way to help restore it to order. Benjamin, my 4 yr. old, does enjoy household tasks, and will ask to vacuum or scrub floors or windows for his own entertainment (gotta love 'em). Lily, on the opposite end of the spectrum, slobs her way through life and feels absolutely no responsibility for doing her share. Liam falls somewhere in between. Frankly, I'm exhausted. Trying to be a more-than-adequate stay-at-home mother, nurturing my kids, and keeping up with housework is so daunting to me that I find myself becoming depressed and overwhelmed. I don't know the answer except that I believe that everyone in our family should be pulling their weight, so to speak, according to age, and, if nothing more, at least cleaning up the trash they make, bringing their laundry to the basement for washing, and picking up their "toys." In addition, they probably need to be helping with some of the other hygiene requirements of any family, like basic cleaning of general areas (kitchen, bath, family room, etc.) I don't think we should take up our weekends doing this, but I think helping to get it done during the week is a most reasonable expectation for kids this age. I struggle with housework myself, due to inner-slobdom or ADD or the like, which doesn't do much for setting a positive example for my kids. I ordered a book tonigh on managing my home and am filled with high hopes that this will provide some of the answers and routine I am desperately searching for.

In my mind I hear the faint sound of Cyndi Lauper serenading me with "I see your true colors shining through..." Tonight, my true colors were all over the inside of the van- as I laughed myself silly singing the diarrhea song from the movie "Parenthood" with my kids. Most women I know, being of sound mind and good morals, would shun any hint of potty talk from their kids. I personally have always found the word "diarrhea" hilarious- it just has a certain ring to it, much more melodious than just saying "poop" or "fart" (all taboo in my home growing up, by the way). Grown-ups need to come out of their shells sometime and remember what fun it was to be little and how you could just laugh at the simplest, silliest things. What a great way to ride home in our minivan- just loud enough to disguise the noise from our decaying brake pads! Three cheers for hymns of loose stools!

This afternoon, as Ben and I ventured into the freezing cold, sleeting weather toward the pre-school parking lot, after dropping Liam off at kindergarten, Ben decided he'd try to catch some of the wandering snowflakes on his tongue. Unsatisfied by those results, he then proceeded to lick snowflakes off of my sweatshirt. My initial reaction, like so many moms I know, was to tell him to stop because he might get germs off of my sleeve (oh, please). Luckily, I stopped short, long enough to find the humor and the joy in his musings over tasting snow and we laughed about it together. We then drove to the mall to find me a maternity bathing suit, get some yummy pretzels at Aunt Annies (our favorite snack stop), and play in the kids area. Due to the nastiness outside today, I felt absolutely exhausted by the time we picked Lily and Liam up from school, got candy at the pharmacy for our weekly ritual "candy day" and headed home. Later in the evening, Tom and I took the kids swimming at the gym where we belong. They happened to be having their annual "kids' carnival" with free dairy queen sundaes, a moon bounce, face painting, and balloon animals. Believe it or not, we did manage to spend an hour in the pool after that. I tested out my new suit, a not-so-sexy maternity dress-style two piece, in the therapy pool, while the kids and daddy frolicked in the shallower area of the regular pool. All in all, it was another great day where I felt extreme gratitude to God for the privelege I have to mother my three great children, the excitement of my fourth child, kicking in-utero, and my very warm and funny husband. What a fabulous life I get to lead.

today was just one of those days that was bound to be frustrating from the start- overslept, couldn't find any clean clothes to wear, driveway was flooded from the rain and beginning to leak into the garage, the sky was dark, and I hadn't felt Seth move since yesterday, which was odd. I called Patrick, our midwife, and he suggested that I come in so he could check for the heartbeat. On the way to Patrick's office, I picked up Tom on the side of the road, since his car got two flat tires leaving work. Of course, after all the panic, Seth's heartbeat came through loud and clear!!! What a fine end to a big mess!

If only this were a post about a real family adventure that was planned and paid for and soon to be reality....sigh.....

No, but almost as great....Benjamin spends nearly every day, both morning and afternoon, in a drama about how he's going to walk to China. China, for him, must be this wonderful imaginary land that is close by and full of exciting opportunities. He fills his backpack with all of the stuff he thinks is important for such a journey and announces, as he's walking out the door, "mommy, I goin' to China, okay?" One day, a few weekends ago now, we got a call from the McCabe family, who lives at the top of our cul-de-sac. Apparently Ben had snuck out of the yard and headed up past their house. Mike McCabe stopped him and inquired as to where he was going and Ben, very nonchalantly proclaims "I goin' to China." Mike then asks the very important question "does your mommy know you are going to China?" And Ben, perhaps with a pang of guilt for breaking the #1 cardinal rule of the Sombar household (DON'T LEAVE THE YARD WITHOUT TELLING MOMMY OR DADDY FIRST), came quickly home. He drives us batty but he sure is funny.

getting some much needed rest. i will regret this extra few minutes of posting tomorrow morning but - throw caution to the wind, eh? i am struggling right now to figure out some things about my faith in Christ and am actually relieved to be in this place - after so many years of not caring. It is hard for me, being of a liberal mind and comfort level, to know where I fit in with organized christianity. do i go with my family to church in the burbs where the pews are comfy and the kid's ministry is superb or do i remain in the ghetto where i feel at home with my peeps and my children run around in total anarchy during the service and act like lunatics- whereby i get very little peace and feel like killing them? for me, it is a very tough call, though to anyone else it may seem obvious. i'm not fond of the lack of diversity and tolerance in the suburban mega-churches but i can see where they have a lot of positives going for them, especially in the youth arena, where the activities are high on the "wow factor" and well-organized.

we've been reading a lot of Paul's letters in the New Testament during CBS on Thursday morning (and for homework thru-out the week). I am struck, as of late, with the dilemma of "what makes a good-enough christian?" in the eyes of the Lord? Is is merely believing, as we Americans would define the term, in a passive stance, or must we aim to follow in the footsteps of Paul and Timothy, who clearly devoted their whole beings to serving Christ and spreading the Gospel? Is there a middle-ground where God is concerned? What is a luke-warm Christian? Is it me? I'd say, most certainly, yes, or close to it. If that is the case, shouldn't I be getting busy figuring out how to rise above that current status and give my faith, or the lack-thereof an overhaul?

things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............