Liam and I have been taking guitar lessons since September, at a music store down the street from us. We each have our own teacher but we go at the same time. He'd been wanting to play for a while and I've wanted to re-learn all the skills I had garnered in middle school, when I took lessons for about three years. I'm becoming a much more disciplined person, I think. Acquiring talent takes effort- unless you're born with some sort of gift (I was born with determination- that is about it). When I was younger, I was a lot like Liam- wanting to know how to do something well, without wanting to practice. I flew by the seat of my pants mostly. The lessons are expensive and we've threatened Liam to an inch of his life to get him to practice- mostly to no avail. I however, not wanting to embarass myself each week in front of my teacher, and not taking that $20 a half- hour for granted, have been working hard to hone my skills in the off hours.

I worked on chords yesterday for a long time. Its hard- I've cut my finger nails to the quick so I can grip the strings better, but now the tips are bruised and sore and playing is going to hurt tonight.

Music has always been such a huge part of my life- mostly in a passive way- listening to the radio, buying cds, going to concerts. I can't carry a tune in a bucket but I long to perform for the kids I read to- sometimes, like last month, I sing the words in the books- but I'm working on being able to really rock it out with them. My own children love to sing- and so do Tom and I. On Saturday night, after we all went to a birthday party together, we sang Christmas carols on the ride home- it was an incredible feeling- to leave behind all the worries about Lily, the pressure on Liam, the angst over Ben's behaviors-and just have fun for a change.

So here's to my rock star dreams and my strumming fingers.